For many people, starting a conversation can be a difficult feat, let alone doing so in a different language! Learning how to speak Mandarin is one thing. Applying language skills with cultural competence is a whole different experience.
How do you move beyond 你好? How can you be sure there will be a conversation after the initial 你好 and if so, how should you drive it? To establish dialogue with a native Chinese speaker - you must know:
- The right greeting for each circumstance.
- Acceptable topics to broach when meeting someone for the first time.
- The cultural norms that dictate Chinese social interactions.
- How moving beyond essential Chinese words will enhance your relationships with Chinese speakers.
You may have felt a shiver at the thought that there might be no further conversation after saying 你好. Personal experience informs me that the opposite is true. Most native Chinese speakers are open and welcoming.
Older generations might shy away from talking with a foreigner - 外国人 (wàiguó rén). You might also feel the weight of their frank stares. However, younger generations love nothing more than practicing their English skills with a native English speaker. And they'd be proud as peacocks to help you learn their language.
Navigating Conversations with Nǐ hǎo
As you might have gathered from this article's introduction, the standard greeting is only suitable in some circumstances. You might give a cheerful 你好 when entering a shop, for example, or to the agent when buying a train ticket. Some Chinese people answer phone calls with 你好 though the more common greeting is 喂你好 (wèi nǐ hǎo), or simply 喂.
You should say 你好 when meeting someone for the first time and immediately follow up with 你叫什么名字 (nǐ jiào shénme míngzi) - lit. 'you're called what name?'. Your new friend will say their name and then return the question to you. You should answer: 我叫 (wǒ jiào) meaning 'I'm called.' You could otherwise say 我是 (wǒ shì) meaning 'I am.'
This convention's final step is expressing pleasure at knowing them. The phrase 很高兴认识你 (hěn gāoxìng rènshí nǐ) meaning 'very pleased to know you' is standard in all situations. You may need to modify it to reflect who you're glad to meet; more on that in a mo. First, you need to know the proper response to this phrase: 我也很高兴 (wǒ yě hěn gāoxìng) which is to say 'I'm also pleased'.
Now for those modifications. You shouldn't greet everyone generically, nor should you respond that way. This table demonstrates the proper greetings and responses for each situation.
| Who to greet | Hanyu Pinyin | Meaning | When to use | Response |
| 您好 | nín hǎo | formal 'hello' | When meeting a boss or an elder | 很高兴认识您 |
| 你们好 | nǐmen hǎo | 'you all' hello | When meeting two or more people | 很高兴认识你们 |
| 大家好 | dàjiā hǎo | 'everyone' hello | When greeting a group of people | No response |
| 老师好 | lǎoshī hǎo | 'teacher' hello | When greeting your teacher | No response |
Once you've met a person, you may greet them in other ways. Good morning is 早上好 (zǎoshang hǎo) and good evening is 晚上好 (wǎnshàng hǎo). You might greet your neighbors or people you see often that way (at the appropriate times, of course). Now, with the ice broken, we can explore our new friendships.
Beyond Greetings: Initiating Dialogue in Mandarin
In Chinese culture, work and status are important, and so are family and homestead. Any question on these topics is sure to make for engaging conversations. Broaching these subjects shows your cultural competence, too.
You will immediately gain esteem if you ask 你做什么的工作? (nǐ zuò shénme de gōngzuò) - 'What type of work do you do?' Or if you're uncertain whether your conversation partner works or studies, you might ask 你是学生吗? (nǐ shì xuéshēng ma?) to say 'Are you a student?' The table below gives you a few more conversation openers to consider:
| Question | Pinyin | English | Notes |
| 那是什么意思？ | nà shì shénme yìsi | What is that? | To ask for clarification |
| 你觉得工作怎么样？ | nǐ juédé gōngzuò zěnme yàng | How do you feel about (your) work? | You may also ask their feelings about school (use 学校 - xuéxiào instead of 工作 - gōngzuò) |
| 老家在哪里？ | lǎojiā zài nǎlǐ | Where is your hometown? | |
| 你家有几口人？ | nǐ jiā yǒu jǐ kǒu rén | How many in your family? |
In our culture, talking about our partners is a great conversation starter. Older people might ask a new friend if they have a significant other or the younger crowd might happily gush about their current or potential partner.
Talk of love in Chinese conversation is not as open as that. It wouldn't be appropriate to ask someone you just met 你有男友(女友)吗？(nǐ yǒu nányǒu (nǚyǒu) ma?) which translates to 'do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?'
The 'have/don't have' structure (有没有 - yǒu méiyǒu) is generally informal. It's best to keep it on the back burner until your friendships deepen. But it's perfectly okay to use it when asking a shopkeeper if they have an item you want.
Tips for Polite and Effective Communication in Chinese
Some topics are not discussed in polite society. That's true around the world but the topics that are off-limit vary depending on the society. In China, besides shying away from talk of love and relationships, money and politics are conversation stoppers. Money talk falls in a grey area, though.
It's fine to exclaim over lavish displays of wealth: 你花了多少钱? (nǐ huāle duōshǎo qián) - 'How much did you spend?' But it's seen as vulgar to brag, so only say how much you paid for something. This is an issue of 面子 (miànzi) - 'respect' (or face).
The Chinese people are far less interested in political debate than other societies are. Their focus is more on their quality of life and their hopes for the future. Steering conversation in those directions will lead to open and frank discussion.
You might ask 你对购物有什么看法 (nǐ duì gòuwù yǒu shé me kànfǎ) which is to ask 'what do you think about shopping?' if you wanted to talk about hyper-consumerism, for example.
Of course, saying 'Thank You' when needed is an integral part of polite conversation in Mandarin. However, basic expressions of gratitude can only take you so far. You need to know the appropriate form of thanks for each situation.
It's important to consider the other parties within a conversation, making 你呢? (nǐ ne) which is to say 'and you?' a conversation staple, is recommended! It's easy to attach it to the end of opinion-giving or when someone asks for your thoughts. For example, you might answer 'what do you think about shopping?' with: 每天去购物,你呢? (měitiān qù gòuwù, nǐ ne?) which translates to 'I go shopping every day, and you?' This is a great way to show interest and keep the conversation flowing/
Expanding Vocabulary Beyond the Basics
Once you get past initial meetings and friendship beginnings, you can greet your friends more intimately. If you haven't seen them in a few days, you might ask 你最近怎么样? (nǐ zuìjìn zěnme yàng) which would be you asking them 'how have you been recently?' Conversely, if you just saw them yesterday, you can demonstrate your closeness by asking 你好吗?
We must address the 'ma' particle (吗). This particle is used at the end of a 'closed' question, the type that calls for a yes or no answer. For example; 'what type of work' invites a lengthy response so it gets no 吗 at the end. By contrast, one either is or isn't a student, thus 吗 is needed.
Likewise, appending 你好 with 吗 invites a short response. Your friend might answer with 还好, 你呢? (hái hǎo, nǐ ne?) meaning 'I'm fine, and you?' To which you might reply 还好吧 (hái hǎo ba) to express 'well enough'. The 吧 particle signals the end of that exchange.
Early in your Chinese language classes, you probably learned essential verbs like 想 (xiǎng - to want or to think), 要 (yào - to want or will) and 有 (yǒu - to have). You can use them as standalone verbs but you'll communicate with greater emphasis if you learn how to combine them.
For example, 我想去购物 (wǒ xiǎng qù gòuwù) which would be to say 'I want to go shopping' expresses a longing and maybe a level of boredom. However, 我想要去购物 says a shopping trip is definite.
Likewise, 你要这本书吗? (nǐ yào zhè běn shū ma) meaning 'do you want this book?' sounds more passive. But 你要有这本书! (nǐ yào yǒu zhè běn shū) to say 'you have to have this book!' comes from a friend who cares about your your opinion. Even 你想有这本书 (nǐ xiǎng yǒu zhè běn shū) as to say 'do you want to have this book?' shows greater concern for the other person's interests.
From experience, I can tell you that Chinese people are thrilled when 外国人 (wàiguó rén) - foreigners make any attempt to speak Chinese. But you should not limit yourself to a few stock phrases. The Chinese language and culture is so rich, you cannot fully appreciate it unless you study beyond essential expressions in Mandarin!
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